Welcome to this week’s installment of Can’t Care, Moviejawn’s weekly roundup of all the entertainment news we just can’t care about.
Rosalie Kicks!, Old Sport
Doc Hollywood has diagnosed all of us with amnesia. I guess I concur.
Cause hey! after one too many PIRATE movies, who hasn't slammed their head against the wall? Memory loss would explain a lot of things: like why those old sports have decided to green light MORE Garfield movies. Are they really going to pretend like THIS and THAT NEVER happened. Bill Murray, as the voice of the slug-like, lethargic, fat lasagna lovin' kitty: deny. deny. deny. NEVER HAPPENED.
Unfortunately guys, I am here to tell you this has all happened before. That case of deja vu you are having is real and I am afraid we are all living in the MATRIX.
Hollywood, where did we go wrong? Are you mad at us? The decision to make these things has gotta be fueled by hatred. Why else would they choose to make multiple movies about a cat no one cares about? Maybe we deserve Garfield. Maybe we deserve to have our eyes bleed.
Well, this old sport is putting her foot down. I simply can't care about this damn cat unless of course it looks like this:
In other news, there is going to be a MAD MEN prop auction. Wow! This is going to be so great guys. Get ready to spend all your hard earned cash on a bunch items someone found at a thrift store, flea market, or dead grandma's house. Hey, at least they cleaned it up and ran it thru the dishwasher for ya. HEY! Matthew Weiner guess what? CAN'T CARE.
Jaime Davis, The Fixer
Guys, it's a scary freakin week for entertainment news. Did we flash forward to Halloween or something and I missed summer?
Let this sink into your movie brains today: seven more Power Rangers movies. SEVEN MORE POWER RANGERS MOVIES. Seven MORE Power Rangers movies than you originally thought you needed. Seven WHOLE, FEATURE-LENGTH POWER RANGERS MOVIES, seven more than any of us ever thought were humanly imaginable. Or necessary. Christ, you guys. When I read about it this morning I felt physically sick. And no, that is not me being typical dramatic Jaime! I seriously felt ill. Because this is like one of those moments you see at the beginning of a post-apocalyptic movie - like when they show all the news flashes and signs that the end was near but nobody got it because they were too busy getting into their Uber cabs and beep boop bopping on their computer phones. Well this feels like one of those foreboding, foreshadowing moments to me. And I am very, very afraid.
In other scary movie news, Rebel Wilson is headlining a new romantic comedy for New Line. Which, ok, that's not super duper scary. I love Rebel Wilson. She's funny as hell and drop dead gorgeous. In theory, I love that she's topping a romantic comedy. Look how far we've come, ladies! You don't have to necessarily be sample-sized in order to star in your own romantic vehicle! You can be all kinds of things - smart and beautiful and funny and a non-traditional Hollywood body type! Praise feminism! Oh wait. This is being produced by the same person who produced the Paul Blart: Mall Cop movies. Umm, ok? He also produced Into the Storm, Knight and Day, and a bunch of Adam Sandler movies. Sigh. So maybe I'll save my 'Oh Happy Day Feminism!' moment for another time. Shucks.
But the scariest thing to come out of Hollywood this week? This (see photo below). No one is safe.