Welcome to this week’s installment of Can’t Care, Moviejawn’s weekly roundup of all the entertainment news we just can’t care about.
Rosalie Kicks!, Old Sport
This Bryan Cranston fella is out of control. Someone needs to slam on the brakes of the Cranston Choo Choo train.
OK. So he had that show, Breaking Bad. Guess what, can’t care. Not in the very least. His silly hat don’t fool me, the dude is still a dork. I blame this show for the parade of Cranston films we are now being forced to endure. All of a sudden those old sports in Hollywood have decided that we are bananas for Cranston. They think we want to see Cranston in every single GD picture. Apparently Cranston doesn’t find being in a zillion films to be enough. Guys, he doesn’t want just a slice of the cake, he wants the whole thing. This is why Malcolm in the Middle Reunion is our future. Wow Bry, how exciting…getting the gang back together. I’m sure everyone really cares about what that monster Frankie Muniz is up to.
Hollywood doesn’t have a clue. Never has, never will.
You can keep Trumbo, I don’t want him. Send me more Zod.
No one wants these Cranston films…except for maybe Cranston. How can we trust a dude that is comparing the new Power Rangers series* to the Dark Knight series? Simply can’t care about this guy. Whatever he is doing (insert eye roll) and say it with me: CAN’T CARE.
*A friendly reminder: there will be 7! Power Rangers films, kinda just makes you want to find this Cranston and get all Zod like.
And in other news…
Grab your backpacks guys cause Matthew McConaughey is coming to a classroom near you, where you can find him in his latest role: teacher. Wow. I just can’t care.
Except maybe I do. I simply can’t stop thinking about what he could possibly teach aspiring film students. How to blankly stare at the camera? How to make love to a drumstick? Maybe, how to avoid choosing bad scripts, end up in movies that completely disappear…you know like this and that. Oh Matty Matt are you that desperate for cash or has all that talking engineer gone to your head? Either way, I think you should stick to the acting. Cause you know what they say…those that can’t do, teach.
Jaime Davis, The Fixer
After the killing of three black civilians at the hands of police this week and the Dallas shootings Thursday night, I'm not really in the right frame of mind to comment on the comparatively trivial goings-on of Hollywood over the past few days. I'm so confused as to what is going on right now. Confused and hurt and angry. I'm having a very hard time absorbing, comprehending the fatal actions of people fused by hate, by fear, without resorting to overly simplified conclusions and statements. Because I don't understand this. I don't understand why black people are being killed. I don't understand why individuals are targeting, ambushing, and killing large groups of people in public situations. I feel so helpless, and I will never understand this.
To shift gears and move it back to Can't Caring, I will also never understand why, or how Justin Timberlake continues to have an acting career. And now he's gonna be in the next Woody Allen movie? It was bad enough that Fincher put him in The Social Network, but I could deal with him playing Sean Parker because Sean Parker is pretty much a larger-than-life caricature at this point anyway. So the casting kind of made sense to me at the time. In Bad Teacher he pretty gamely played a rich prude against real-life ex and scheming, very Bad Teacher Cameron Diaz. Ok, Justin, I'll give you that one. Point, Timberlake. But Inside Llewyn Davis, ugh. I mean whatever. He's a musician so I get why The Coens liked him for the part of an up and coming folk singer. But I will never get behind Runner Runner Timberlake. Or The Love Guru Timberlake. Or Friends with Benefits Timberlake. Directors, take note. He's a major, humongous, gargantuan pop star. Not a chameleonic actor like Michael Shannon, or a Philip Seymour Hoffman. So you have to understand how fucking distracting it is to watch him in a movie! It's the same thing with Beyoncé. Put her in a film and no one is thinking "wow who is this fine actress who DISAPPEARS into her role?" Nope. People are thinking "holy shit, Beyoncé is in a movieeeeee." This is not a putdown on Beyoncé or Timberlake - I love them both! It's just a cold, hard fact. Stop the insanity folks - leave the acting to the real actors.
And when I saw real actors, I'm thinking about Alicia Vikander and Brie Larson - two of my faves right now. But then why oh why oh why are they dumbing themselves down for Tomb Raider and Captain Marvel, respectively? I'm not saying big budget movies can't be smart, but more often than not, they aren't, to appeal to the widest demographic possible. So it's a little disappointing to me that two badass female actors, both recent Academy Award winners, have chosen big Hollywood Clown movies to follow up their recent successes. And maybe they're doing the mainstream shit so they can afford to do the smaller, more satisfying movies. Whatever. Just don't let me down ladies - I'll pay to see your studio crap but you better bring it. Don't make me wish Timberlake was in more things instead of you guys.